It’s interesting to see the things I’ve written and the progress of time.

We’re together but not together.

Sometimes I regret my decision because I just don’t think I’m committed enough. But then I realize that when I think that, it’s not fair to him.

So now all I can do is sit tight. I don’t really want to admit to myself that I don’t want to work that hard, that I’d rather just give up and not try.

But I can’t. Because it’s not just about myself anymore. This is why sometimes it’s just nicer to be single because one can always be more selfish and not have to worry about hurting others.

Okay I still could, but the point is that I would care.

There’s something wrong with my emotions. I can’t help but think that I’m wired incorrectly.

Would you want me like the way I am even though I know I can’t give you more?

You’ll never be able to touch on the deepest part of me because even I don’t know where it is. I can’t even find the shadow of it’s existence on my heart, even though I know it exits.

I’m sorry.

All I know is that I can hang onto this and ride it out, even though I know one day we will have that ending and you’ll hurt more than I will.

But until that day, I’ve decided to make this leap and this decision, so I will see it through.

I may love you with what I can. Except it isn’t really love because I don’t know what that is.

So here’s cheers to the journey before the end, m’dear~ And keep dreaming until the day I come back and stumble once again upon this entry.