I have a lot of things on my mind so I think I’ll do a partial mind dump.

I’m really glad I ended things. I know it sounds really cold-hearted of me, but I’m too selfish to ever want to give myself away to other people, or entrust myself. But the matter of fact is, you weren’t the right person for me to give to. Truth to be told, I only ever want to make that real and honest mistake once. I ever only want to fall in love once. So until then, I’ll wait and talk to people. It’s easier that way, I don’t have to commit and worry about things too much.

On the other hand, you’re fucking pissing me off. Can you please grow the fuck up or get the fuck away? I hate having to see your face and your antics everyday ._. The saddest part is that I even care. I need to get over this whole issue because you don’t matter to me. I don’t even know why it bothers me so much. Is it because the things you do remind me of myself? Or is it because I just like to feel superior to someone else? Either way, these feelings are so unhealthy and I’m ashamed of them at times.

I can’t wait for school to be over. I’m so tired of the same people, same routines, and home. Moving out is going to be so fun. I love being by myself and going places and not having to worry about other people. I don’t have to tell people what I’m doing, whatever. I can just do it.

I’ve been really stressed recently. There’s so much to do, so little time. I try to organize myself and all the aspects of my personality but it’s so difficult. I want to turn from a P to a J but even then, it’s like that part of me is broken ugh. All those college applications and school, trying to get an A in all my classes and just homework in general sucks. I hate how she’s always nagging about something that I can’t even start yet.

I can’t wait for December to come. Not only do I love the end of the year, because it feels like so much hope and good wishes for the next year will appear, but because by then I’ll be free of all those stress and I can be free to do whatever I want. I hope that she does decide to leave for 6 months. Life will be so much easier and I want to find a job. I want to lose weight and I want to have fun. I want to find a guy that I can have fun and be intimate with, physically and emotionally, but not fall in love with.

I can’t wait to watch more shows, listen to more music, and meet more people. October is going to be so fun. I really want a 2150 on my SATs :O I’ll get it!!!! Fighting! :3

But sometimes I feel so suffocated. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Loneliness or whatnot. I love meeting new people but I also only need a few in my life. I hate how everything is so unstable. I must accomplish everything I need and want to do.

Time management and prioritizing!!!!

But I have faith that everything will work out right. I know it and it will be. Everything will somehow fall in place, to the highest and best of my power. Because it always does.