February 2012
1 post
I hate love stories so much sometimes. The ones that are raw, real, and tangible. I hate them because I’m jealous, I’m envious, and I’m sad. But I can’t help myself in reading these. Because I love the hope, I love the love, and I want it. But I still hate them. I cry and laugh at the same time.
December 2011
2 posts
Why do you do this to me? Just when I decide to forget about this whole situation, because I know there’s no place for me, that you give me a signal of hope?
It’s so small, and I’m so pathetic and helpless. -_-
It’s not my place to want him. But I do. I see him walking around and there’s many things about him I like, but there’s also things about him that are so unsure. I don’t know him well, for all the fact we used to talk.
I hate it when I want something not because I want it, but because of what used to be. Because I could have had it in the past, and I didn’t go for...
November 2011
1 post
I am so stressed. Mind dump right hurr.
School is stressing me out, I’m afraid that I’m going to end up with the same grade I did last year. Stats is okay though, so I’m not toooo worried.
I hate that mom is coming home tomorrow. She needs to stay away. College apps and online pre calc… Everythings coming to a head >:
Thank god there’s a 4 day weekend, or I...
October 2011
8 posts
But you know what? I’ve realized the truth.
I can do way better. And he’s not the cutest. And this was just a fleeing fancy haha. :3
So much more I can do :D *looks somewhere else*
Because it’s true. I’m not even doing this out of disappointment, or forcing myself.
I guess if you don’t want to give someone the wrong idea, you shouldn’t interact, reblog, or like someone you don’t know’s things too much.
Maybe I can be the one to change his mind D:<
I doubt it LAWL
I.
Am.
SO.
sad.
right.
now.
LOLOLOL
In a “I don’t know if I should cry or laugh” way.
Okay, I truly give up LAWL HAHAHAAAHHAHA
Can’t change it >: Oh wells.
I love it. Recently, I’ve finally realized what that butterfly feeling is, and that it’s essential for any relationship. If it doesn’t exist, then… What’s the point of the relationship?
I see you and I feel butterflies that shouldn’t exist. Because we don’t even know each other well HAHA.
<3
It’s okay, I can settle for being friends. But first,...
I can’t post things without fear of people asking me why I’m posting the things I am.
Because I can.
Because I am human.
Because I have feelings, because I hurt too, because my life does not just comprise of smiles.
I don’t want to be like my mother.
I love my dongsaeng, my best friends, my brofro, and to a very very lesser extent, my family.
That’s it.
Music, words, language.
Nothing else.
I want to tell people sometimes. Just dump every single thought that’s troubling my mind and do a mind throw up. Except I can’t bring myself to do it.
I feel like every time you trust someone with a secret, or even just a slight intimate thought, you’re giving that part of yourself away. I especially can’t do that to someone who likes me, or a guy ._.
It’s hard, to...
I think the two of them are so cute. Ughhhh. They’re both in one of my classes and I find myself staring at them a lot of the time even though it’s not intentionally.
One of them has a girlfriend and I don’t really know him actually. I just like the way he looks.
But the other guy… I really like his personality, even though I don’t know him well. But I have good...
September 2011
1 post
I have a lot of things on my mind so I think I’ll do a partial mind dump.
I’m really glad I ended things. I know it sounds really cold-hearted of me, but I’m too selfish to ever want to give myself away to other people, or entrust myself. But the matter of fact is, you weren’t the right person for me to give to. Truth to be told, I only ever want to make that real and...
August 2011
1 post
It’s interesting to see the things I’ve written and the progress of time.
We’re together but not together.
Sometimes I regret my decision because I just don’t think I’m committed enough. But then I realize that when I think that, it’s not fair to him.
So now all I can do is sit tight. I don’t really want to admit to myself that I don’t want to...
June 2011
6 posts
I tired of having a heart. I want to go back to not having one.
I hate it when I over think things.
I hate the fact that I get so easily annoyed with people but at the same time I want them close to me.
I hate that I crave people’s affections but in this world, it’s all about themselves.
I don’t want a heart.
._.
Day 1: The person I like and why do I like them.
I suppose there is someone that I could say I like. That word is so subjective though. I’m talking to a few people, but there’s only one that I could think of myself liking him. He is very far away though and I don’t think I’m someone who could do long distance.
Why I like him? I think he’s very cute, both physically and mentally. He’s older, mature enough, and...
The person I like and why do I like them.
A famous person I’ve been compared to.
5 things that irritate me about the same sex/opposite sex.
The best thing that has happened to me this week.
Weird things I do when I’m alone.
How I’d spend ten thousand bucks.
Things I like and things I don’t like about the way I look.
My last night out, in detail.
Something that makes me sad when I think...
Restless heart and restless mind. Here I am, at night, needing to sleep but not wanting to. My mind wanders around on tangents, going around in loops and circles, yet somehow always jumping back to you.
Are you dreaming sweet wonderful dreams right now? Was I the last person you thought of before going to bed, and the first thing when you wake up?
I don’t even think this will last for...
I think I’m a junkie. One that’s addicted to meeting new people. I’m constantly looking for more people to know. Maybe because I think meeting these new people will give me more challenges to solve, more perspectives on life, and more chances to find that one person.
I love that rush you get when you first meet a person and learn how similar you are. I love that rush and...
It seems so odd. To think that I’ve moved to this place for two years or so now. I’ve changed, and I’m glad that I have.
What I’m doing with my life, I do not now. I’m scared for my future but I know these things that will go through my life to conquer me, they will not kill me and I can surpass them.
Boys are an uncertain factor in my life. I like you, but...
March 2011
2 posts
Is it sad that I feel like I live a double life?
When I go home, I have to smile less, tread lightly, look over my shoulders constantly, and speak softly.
It doesn’t even feel like I’m suppressing my own nature by not laughing. I don’t feel the urge to, at all.
I just want to live in my own bubble, in the computer chatting to friends, or reading physical books or online...
1 tag
I hate this feeling. I’m so suffocated in my own house.
I don’t even know why I have to deal with this.
I really just don’t know. MY closest friends know how extreme it can be, but someone knowing doesn’t matter.
I want her to stop. I want this to stop.
I wish someone could fix everything or protect me, emotionally.
I wish I could fast forward time to some place and...
February 2011
2 posts
Sometimes, I wished someone could just come into my life and fix everything for me.
Man, I come onto Tumblr because I feel so loopy and rucked up in my brain and just need a place to talk and then I see these stupid ass posts on my dashboard and I’m just like, “What the hell am I doing here again?”
Gawd, I feel so jittery and stressed. These past months have not been good to me. Junior year has not been good to me. I’ve fucked up and now I’ve got to...
December 2010
3 posts
I’m a silly girl. What was I thinking? This is so absurd, I need to stop this. I will. Stop every feeling because what’s the point? It’ll only hurt more in the long run. I will stop.
This cannot go on any longer.
I will hurt myself.
Rationality, BAH! If only I would listen to myself.
It’d be such a mistake to end up liking you.
I haven’t even know you that long, yet I end up sincerely liking you.
It’s not even possible. *sigh* What am I supposed to do?
T_T
I just hope this doesn’t end badly, however and whenever it ends.
How can you do that to someone? I don’t even know what to feel or how to act anymore.
How can you just leave hate to other people? Why are people so filled with hate? HOW CAN YOU KILL SOMEONE?
What the hell is wrong with people in this fucking world. What kind of people just hide behind a damn mask. I swear, if I ever find out who’s doing stuff like that, I will whup their ass.
Why...
November 2010
5 posts
What makes you think you have the goddamn right...
What makes you think that just because you’ve decided to stop ignoring me that you can talk to me?
Or the fact that you talk to me just to needle me, just to see my reaction? Why you know the things you say will piss me off?
The truth is, I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want anything from you. I don’t want your money, your love. I really don’t give a shit....
cindychu:
Just a Dream - Nelly
I was thinkin...
Apologies don’t mean shit, right?
No matter how much we can say sorry, none of it changes the fact that you made a mistake or hurt someone.
I never seem to be able to stop hurting the people around me. Friends, family, etc etc.
I’m tired of saying sorry but it’s just something I feel all the time.
I wish I could say, I’m sorry and that it’ll get better but I...
Shut my heart and close my eyes,
keep me away from self lies.
Only one true thought in mind,
none of this could be right.
But right or wrong, how can I decide?
When my head wants to rationalize
It stops at no signs, no truth in sight
Guess the only way is to rewind.
October 2010
5 posts
It’s amazing how much the things you say to me still hurt me. In fact, it cuts me even deeper than it used to when I was younger. I desensitized myself voluntarily. But I stopped because I realize that wasn’t the way to live. I was just dying inside, all the time. None of those smiles or those little moments that I want to cherish in life counted anymore. They meant nothing to me.
And...
Ephemeral. Friendships, life, emotions, things that are seen with and without the heart. They can all be described by one word. Ephemeral, insubstantial, flighty.
I believe that happiness is temporary and only a reprieve. True well being comes from sacrificing yourself for the good of others. Selfishness is both good and bad and nothing is ever resolute.
But without conviction, without a stand,...
Things on my To-Get list
In no particular order:
Lord of the Rings 1,2,3 DVDs
Wong Fu plushie: Biggie Spencer, Awkward Turtle, I heart Nice Guys shirt
Baby powder, Crest stuff
Tuesdays with Morrie, Perks of Being a Wallflower
Martha Stewart Cupcake book
Razor, bobbie pins
more when i think of them
*for personal reference*
Numerous souls, glowing faintly
wandering through an arduous journey to where no end is seen.
1 tag
Too serious? Wtf if that supposed to mean? Honestly, if I don’t know why these people do most of the things they do. If you think it’s stupid and a joke, then don’t do it. It pisses me off when people take thing as a joke. But when I say that, they say some stupid shit like, Why you mad though?
Then why you so stupid? Like honestly, I have the right to be mad and BECAUSE I WANT...
September 2010
2 posts
4 tags
Memoir: Extract 1 "Memories of Death" Tribute to...
Playing the If You Knew Me game in Choir today made me think. I wanted to write everything out, in a memoir style.
Death touched me at a young age. Most people grow up thinking that when people die, they leave for some other place. Even though they leave, it’s possible for us to reach there some day.
Not I.
I grew up, knowing exactly that when someone died, it was the end. At the age of...
I give up on him.
Plan and simple. I don’t really see the point. He’s not even here, close physically anymore and nothing I say will make him see sense. He’s just in denial about the things I tell him, the things I feel.
Forget it.
Save myself the heartache.
I mean, in the end, he’s the one missing out, right?
August 2010
11 posts
Tumblr has been getting more and more unappealing to me. I’ve never been someone to stick to something for long. It’s a problem at times.
When I hit the one year mark, poof.
I’m having mental problems. Everything hurts in a figurative sense.
There’s just too much stuffed in my brain. How to get it out?
So freaking exhausted.
My brain hurts. Literally. T_T
I dislike idiots.
And ignorant, close minded people.
They make me so angry.
2 tags
It’s so odd for me to realize that I miss him. It’s something that doesn’t even register in my mind and then at weird, random moments, a pang will hit me and I realize that I haven’t talked to him in so long, and that I miss him (That’s a horribly run-on sentence).
It sucks.
I think I’m crazy.
Times like these I can only say FML. And I honestly hate saying that. Like, really? Fuck is such a vulgar word that I feel like isn’t even properly used in most instances (in my opinion).
But It’s always HER. Always, always, always about her. There’s so many times I want to hit my head on something to the point where I’ll go brain dead and not have to think anymore. She...
A lot of times it surprises me when people know...
Maybe because I was new last year but I’ve always kinda stuck to my own world. I’ve become so comfortable with earphones in my brain and for me to look at the people around me, blocking everything out and letting my mind wander freely.
But then I got more involved with school and knew a lot more people. I have this thing where I know people. I don’t necessarily know their name...
I think a lot of times, I feel uncomfortable about posting personal things because I feel like too many people can see it out in the open. I suppose that’s what a Tumblr is for, but really, I don’t want people to read what I write.
A lot of times I don’t care but it’s uncomfortable. And I’d rather write about feelings than events. Like who gives a fuck about what you...
To be honest, I think I'm the biggest crybaby I...
Such a contrast from my younger self.
:D
That smile’s very fake most of the time.
Not that it’s difficult you know. But I wonder if anyone actually thinks about the truth behind everyone’s smiles. How hard it is to maintain it. How much it takes to continue going on.
And here I am, unsatisfied.
Is it because I’m human?
Perhaps.
Why haven't I been blogging anymore?
The truth is, I’m fed up with Tumblr. Fed up with this obligation to come onto this website to poke around. It’s become a chore and I don’t enjoy it as much anymore.
I’d like to delete it, but then I’ve worked so long on these Tumblrs. I’m actually proud of them because I’ve never been able to commit to a blog for this long.
It’s almost been a...